Being Tone Checked at Almost 38: The Realities of a Black Woman in Fundraising

In the almost 38 years I’ve graced this earth, nearly 15 of them have been dedicated to the always-grueling, often-rewarding world of fundraising. My journey has been marked by numerous successes, relentless perseverance, and the unavoidable, infuriating reality of being tone checked. Let’s call it out for what it is – an insidious, often subtle form of policing that’s all too familiar to Black women like myself.

Being tone checked isn’t about actual mistakes or professional missteps; it’s a reflection of discomfort with our assertiveness, confidence, and, yes, our passion. It’s a discomfort that isn’t equally distributed, a reality that’s glaringly apparent in our predominantly white professional spaces. For every firm stance I’ve taken or passionate plea I’ve made for a cause, there’s been someone ready to pull me aside, to caution me about my “tone.” Here’s the honest truth: navigating this field as a Black woman requires not just skill and expertise, but a resilience forged in the fires of constant scrutiny. It’s a balancing act, where every assertive move can be met with resistance disguised as “helpful advice” or “professional guidance.” But let me tell you, after almost 38 years, my patience for this well-meaning censorship has worn thin.

Fundraising is a field where passion should be a strength, not a liability. And yet, when that passion comes from a Black woman, it’s too often seen as aggression. When I’m passionate, I’m seen as threatening; when I’m confident, I’m seen as arrogant. It’s a double standard that chips away at the very core of our contributions. And let’s not mince words – this isn’t just about tone. It’s about the layers of bias that see our competence as a challenge rather than a benefit, that feel our assertiveness needs tempering rather than celebrating. It’s about the systemic issues that persistently undermine our authority and our voices.

Despite these challenges, I remain unyielding. My passion is my power, and I refuse to let tone policing dim my light. For every fundraiser, grant proposal, and donor meeting, I bring my full self – unapologetically. I’ve built relationships that translate into millions in grant donations, driven by the same fervor that gets me tone checked. And let’s be clear: I am not changing.

To my fellow Black women in fundraising and beyond – your voice is your strength. Let it be heard, loud and clear. The world needs our passion, our unwavering resolve, and our refusal to be silenced. We are reshaping narratives and breaking barriers, one passionate plea at a time.

So, here’s to being almost 38, with nearly 15 years of experience, and a lifetime of unapologetic passion! Here’s to the future, where our voices aren’t just heard but celebrated. And here’s to every Black woman out there who refuses to be tone checked into submission. Keep shining, keep pushing, and let your passion lead the way.